It

It poisons your existence. It makes you believe you're no good. It is something that you know you could do well without, and also that it will not go away. It is as though you and it are strange bedfellows who are destined to make love without want of any filial incentive. It meddles with your thought process, it stymies your endeavours, it pushes you to the bottom of the cusp of frustration. You know its there, that it exists. It isn't hypothetical, it proves its existence in ways of dark humour.

You will try and search for it. You'll ask onlookers, you'll ask the mirror, you'll think it over. You'll try and change yourself in mundane ways, stretching yourself beyond self-recognition. You'll tire yourself over the decidedly inconsequential pursuit. You'll weep within, and smile without. But you'll continue to look for it. And, as though by its own virtue, it will continue to evade you. Your search shall be in vain.

And sadly, it will regularly show up. It will tarnish your castles of gold. And the ravaging will not be a direct display of its wrath -- it will employ the forces of nature to bring about the consequence. It will keep you wondering, was it ill-fate, a bolt out of the blue? And then the introspection will finally lead you to It, and the eerie feeling of helplessness will once again swallow you. You will sit back, and wonder... what am I to do with it? Is it the element-of-uncertainty-incarnate?

But the introspection will rapidly give way to Logic, the Logic you so proudly flaunt. You will once again try to reason it out. How can it bring down Minarets you built after having put consideration to even the most pessimistically improbable disasters? Why? How? What is it?

And consequently, it poisons your existence. It makes you believe you're no good. It is something that you know you could do well without, and also that it will not go away...

What is It anyways? I don't really know. I call it my blind self, a facet of my mind which no one knows of. It is that which ensures that I never put the Car into cruise-mode and doze off... it keeps me awake even on Expressways, let alone the narrow and congested city-driveways. I can't really live with it, but you know what, I guess I can't live without It either.

Education and India - a half baked cake?

An interesting listenable... it argues that Indian education is half baked, and the 60-odd percent literacy rate we flaunt, is flawed in the very manner we define literacy rate:

Orkut Daily fortune

A friend suggested this as an interesting game, so I decided that all of us try it out. This is a simple game. Open orkut, read ur "Today's fortune", append an "in the bed" statement to it and post it in the comment section to this blog. For example, if your fortune says "You will have a comfortable old age", post a comment to this blog that says "You will have a comfortable old age in the bed". It will be fun, lets try it :))


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Sky-Hi

My third foray into the skies is turning out to be the most interesting by far. It isn't everyday that you get to look out of your window and find yourself floating somewhere near the edge of the skies. The LCD display suggests that's near around 8 kilometers, and still climbing.

My previous flights.......

Right, I had just taken on to writing a nice writeup on my experience up here, but was gastronomically interjected with a nice Taj snack. Burp.

Coming back to where we were. The LCD says we're at 11 kilometers above sea level.

As I said, my previous trysts in the skies have been boring, they were night flights, and the only thing I had to entertain myself was the cute private-airline hostesses, and their endlessly long legs.

But this one's different. Why? Firstly Air-India air hostesses retire at 58, and secondly I am looking at the usual monsoon clouds, but from a different perspective. I am as far above them, as you are, below them. It is an invigorating experience. This is familiar and yet so unfamiliar. I mean, it is like looking at the other side of the story, while you've been content with the usual, oft spoken facet all your life. It is like knowing that creationism was right, and Darwin wasn't. It is like looking at Newton's theories, and balking at them, because Einstein was right.

But then there is a certain familiarity that still sticks on. You go to the country side, you relish the sumptuous views of the winding rivulets and the mountains high. You look out of my window right now, and you see an identical view. Save the fact that your fields aren't green anymore. They're white. Like snow. Your mountains ain't the burly looking masculine personifications. They're more lady like. They're feathery. Fluffy.
The moment is really worth relishing. I am in the heavens, a new snowy land one sky-height above my land. In the distance I can see the curvature of the earth too. But then there is this one thing that is still familiar – this land or the one below it, the Sun stays where it always is. I am high up, but the Sun still dwarfs me just the same with its imposing demeanour.

The tall nimbus clouds remind you of smoke clouds emanating from an explosion... but with a minor exception. It is like someone held the explosions midway, right there. You get the eerie feeling of floating through timelessness.

The monsoons sure are an interesting feat of Mother Nature’s. Clouds are a plenty. Enough said, I shall now reach out for my camera, and see if they let me take a few pictures up here.

Enjoy! :)

More photos:
http://picasaweb.google.com/cyberhansraj/skies

The Obsession

Overheard at the Local Pub:

(On a table for 2)

"Hic! She was the Spring, and smelled of the verdant. She would smile, and my whole world would come to a grinding halt. I could kill for that lovely smile between those little dimples. You know those times, when something gets to your head, and your every action, every thought, every moment of your existence -- all becomes governed by this One Thing. You hypothesize every occurrence as something towards or owing to, this One Thing.

You begin to dream, and dreams become overtly imposing. Each bit of you panders to the enrichment of the experience of this One Thing. The Thing is so divine, so heartening, that if it were food, you would want to have it little by little... like the greedy child who wishes to eat his cake, and have it to.

She unquestionably was this Thing for me. She was like fresh flowers that bloom along the banks of fabled magical rivers emerging from glacial peaks. And she was the bedazzling Sun as it outshone other stars. Stars even bigger than it, brighter than itself. She was the inebriating, consuming, commandeering thought which refused to part ways with me for even one fleeting moment.

In those days there would always be a constant grin on my face, and a happy thought to fall back upon. I worked better. I didn't waste time over inconsequential pursuits. I didn't have time for them. Somehow, I would drown away Her thoughts into massive volumes of work. And it helped. I found myself hurtling towards something which would earn me accolades, accomplishment, friends, a new life... it put me in the grooves to strive for something I knew earlier as beyond me.

It was all good. I was doing what my close ones wanted me to. I was on, what they call, "The Right Track". But then I barely ever spoke with her. I got lost in my stride. I never reverted to that which was The Obsession. And it all gradually sublimed. Thoughts faded out, memories dissolved and time did what it does best -- flowed forward. Hic!"

"Drink up, you're already seven pegs high. Never knew you'd get so philosophical. And forget about Her. She's possibly somewhere out there, happily settled with some nice guy."

"Hic! She's out there, right... and quite possibly well settled and happy. But oblivious of her role in keeping a loyal heart live and kicking for so long. Times change Jim, but The Obsession lives on. Damn I love her. Hic!"

iMallu

Your narrator here, having lost possibly every humanely conceivable mode of killing time, decided to interview this rotund corpulent thing.

Note: certain explicit content to follow. Don't say I didn't warn you. The content below is mostly original. All answers are genuine, and haven't been sexed up.

Me: which city were you born in, which was ur school and which was ur first crush

Mallu: why

Me: shut-the-fuck-up and furnish the info

Mallu: no, pehle batao kyun. Gimme a good reason.

Me: (after a few derogatory & inconsequential remarks) I'm interviewing you, you moron.

Mallu: Kodungallur
Schools 3 of them. The last of these were SN Vidya Bhavan Chentrapini

Chantrappinni

CHentrappinni
phew!
(Yup, even Mallu ain't comfy with mallu lingo yet)

Me: and which was ur first crush.

Mallu: (apparently taking us for a ride) when I was in [std] 2nd or 3rd... I remember the crush. Her name was Lydia. Called her Lydia Chidia. :P
(No wonder it never worked out).

Me: right... that's so cute. And which was your first post-puberty crush?
(Yea, that's when it'll matter anyways)

Mallu: Many.
(And he's still single and going strong)

Me: enlighten us

Mallu: most will read this blog, so leave it.

Me: (after a few derogatory remarks) Talk!

Mallu: Ok, there was this girl, smart, and intelligent than all others. Rukhsana. Intelligence does turn me on. :P
(Apparently he gets turned on by intelligence. Now I understand what this intelligent guy does locked in his room all day.)

Me: Right... right... so which class was this in? I mean, when did you attain puberty...(and fall for this girl)

Mallu: end of class 6th vacations.

Me: f*** you! You were done pubing yourself before class 7th??

(conversation segment ommitted in order to preserve readability)

Mallu: ...that's all to it. It was a silly crush.

Me: Keep going...

Mallu: I spent most of my school days shit scared.
So not much luck there.

Me: Scared? What was so scary?

Mallu: Talking to a girl.
(He was IIT material at school already)

Me: Hmm.. lets move on...

Mallu: Then there was this girl. Called Divya. My friends used to make up stories of us.

Me: (cheaply) can you quickly relate one such story

Mallu: (obviously irked) not much there... she was a nice friend. I haven't had the sexual feelings about her.
(He sounds like he pardoned the mademoiselle by not harbouring feelings for her)

Me: ok

Mallu: Are you happy. I spilled my gut out.

Me: just a few more queries... how would Mallu define a girl. Make it quick.

Mallu: #define girl

Me: ok. That sucked. How would you define a girl in english.

Mallu: LMAO (laughing-my-ass-out)

Mallu: a general girl, or The One?

Me: #define theOne

Mallu: ok. I should be able to come home and discuss the world with her and hope she understands, and discuss with me.

Me: and what kind of discussions will you bring home?

Mallu: anything. I like her to be a nut loose like me. The more the better.

Me: where does Mallu see himself 10 years hence.

Mallu: ten years from now... 31. :)

Me: too succinct. Elaborate.

Mallu: start my day, waking up next to my wife. Send kids to school.
Then work at home checking out how business is running. Call a few team meetings online. Write a blog entry about a product launch...

Me: keep going...

Mallu: have a power lunch with a big-shot, convince that guy to do something.
Come back home in a chauffer-driven-car (no more walking)

Me: which car

Mallu: Don't care. Buy a gift for my kids, or something nice for the wife. Come back home by 4pm. Take them out to park. And enjoy the rest of the night with them.. while the stocks are maturing away in the background.

Me: Nice. What does Mallu do, if locked in overnight with a horny bitch, and a net-connected laptop in a dungeon?
(I intended to know which of the two he would screw)

Mallu: We make a porn stream :)
(He screws both)

Me: right

I have had some interaction with ur younger bro. if I told you that 15 years from now, he'll be buying your firm out, how would you react to such a possibility.

Mallu: thats good, cuz i will take the money and buy a boat and retire

Me: at age 59, is Mallu still the usual geek?

Mallu: my life's geeky. Its me.

Me: right. On a closing note, What would you like to tell Bill Gates and the Google Boys, if you were in a meeting with them?

Mallu: why are these numbers so low for this month?? I dont want it the same way next month! :P

Me: Haha. Anything else you'd like to add, Mallu?

Mallu: yeah, Hansraj is a dumb motherfucker.

Me: Right. Spankyou, Mallu, for your time. All the luck for your endeavours.

Mallu: Anytime.

Home

This is from the movie King Arthur. Someone please find me the OST :)

Land of bear and land of eagle
Land that gave us birth and blessing
Land that called us ever homewards
We will go home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains

Land of freedom land of heroes
Land that gave us hope and memories
Hear our singing hear our longing
We will go home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains

Land of sun and land of moonlight
Land that gave us joy and sorrow
Land that gave us love and laughter
We will go home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains

When the land is there before us
We have gone home across the mountains
We will go home, we will go home
We will go home across the mountains

Pain

I don't touch booze. Never stuck my lips against it... my friends do, well, most of them. They say it alleviates pain... will it alleviate my kinda pain. The kind of pain that gnaws with twisted claws, tearing open the fine lining of your internal intestines until it hurts beyond all measure. Lets talk of this pain. In some more detail.

You know that feeling, when you get out of home, hop on cheerfully on that bicycle, and go to school. You GO somewhere. You're done with your tenth standard board exams. You GO to the eleventh standard. When you get over with your twelfth standard. You GO to college. And then, something happens. You realize, you've learnt the art of going on, and on, and on... and soon enough, the act loses an incentive, a motivation, a direction. You're good at it, going on, and on, and on. But then, it dawns upon you, that you've not been able to coagulate your thoughts... you don't know, where to go. But you keep going, and going, and going...

And then, one fine evening after a nice long outing with your closest friends, you find out, that you've lost the charisma. The direction. The intent. The motive. You're this, this nice big power-house of a car, with big wheels and spanking bumpers and a chick looking coat of paint... with plenty of oil in it, but no GPS. No maps. No route in mind. Just a car. One that moves.

What do you do with yourself then? You realize, that this is pain. The kind you've been introduced to, in the initial part of this whatever-of-an-essay. This pain poisons you. You look back, and begin to ponder. Abstruse ideas begin to meddle with your thought process, and you begin to turn perplexed. Has it been going the way you wanted it to? Have you really been doing what you wanted to? What some of your closest people wanted you to? Are you in the process of making some good out of your existence? Or are you, simply, going on, and on, and on... humming across valleys and mountains, conquering peaks that have little or no consequence... are you moving for the sake of it?

Think, think, think. Let the warm thoughts flow out, and onto this whatever-of-an-essay. May be it alleviates the pain. Mom said I shouldn't touch booze. She says its not good, and that my dad never did. So I don't touch booze. I simply drown away all my thoughts, into nothingness, onto my keyboard, typing away uselessly... with no intent in mind. No motive, no direction.

A Daily Itinerary at Kgp

[Last few days phenomenon]:

Arise, awake and brush your teeth at 11.00 AM. Browse net, check mail, drink some water.
12.00PM. A pickup from Aniket. Go address some very mundane work which has little implication to either of us.
1.15PM. Call up ban, link up with hvs, talk to chus. We all go to eat at a very bong and very bland eaterie in PremB.
1.35PM. The place is shut, go eat at Billoo's, after a detour at Chillie's.
2.45PM. Done eating at Billoo's. Count remaining cash. Decide upon an icecream.
3.15PM. Eaten a large block of icecream, relaxing in an air-conditioned enclosure.
4.00PM. Go to dept, meet guide, do some small clearance related work.
5.30PM. Come back to room, quick mail check, locate skates from akash. Go skating.
7.15PM. Done skating 4.4 kilometres apart from around 1 km within insti.
7.30PM. Hatch plan for dinner with ktj-friends.
8.40PM. Go to az to wake up a bunch of sleeping babez, and get them ready.
9.00PM. Its raining. Subdued, not out.
9.30PM. Finally we're set. We go eat at Mehek-e-punjab.
12.45AM. Done eating at Mehek-e-punjab.
1.05AM. Back to campus, go on a ride to prof's quarters area.
1.30AM. Back to room, quick orkut refresh, quick mail check.
2.00AM. Contact man, get bike(get chased by a couple(of dogs))
2.20AM. Contact chhabra, get a ColdDrink, take chhabra and go to park.
4.30AM. Daybreak, romantic enough (with chhabra). Back to room.
4.50AM. Return bike to man, get back to room.
5.00AM. Contact suma, enquire if she has scooty, go eat b'fast with her@chhedis.
5.55AM. Return to hall, aniket comes into play again. This time wearing a sleeveless torn shirt.
6.00AM. Go on an aimless ride with aniket, wander around in insti.
6.10AM. Karan calls, needs a taxi. We go address the issue.
6.15AM. Farewell to karan, all 3 of us shed a tear. We depart.
6.25AM. I sit down to write this itinerary.
6.40AM. I go to sleep.

The H alliteration

If you have come across the V-for-Vendetta v-alliteration speech, you would have loved to have one of your own too. I tried writing one for myself, with the letter 'H'.

Halcyon hours hoodwinking the harbinger of hostility... hubris hindering humility and harassing the habituate hedonist, His Highness of Heaven the Heckler hyperboles haughtily of the heinous holocaust at hand. Humbled by his harrowing homilies, the hapless heave and hibernate in hazy hinterlands. But not he, the hardy and headstrong. Who heeds not the homilies. Who opines heretically, whose hermetic hovel hath no happiness. It is he, who harbours the will of hegemony, who halts not at hiatus, whose hortatory harangues raise hackles... it is he who shall hew hostility however hazardous, and scale hillocks however high. And it is he, who heckles thus far... humbly and with hale humility, hails Hansraj, "Hallowed be thou! How do you do?"

A Conversation

An Evening-tea Conversation with the Almighty.
Excerpts:

...and then the lord shot back with a quick rejoinder, "Move on, you prick!". [prick is technically a loose terminology referring to a 1:18 scale model of the usual sized thing most of us guys have, and you gals don't].

I questioned back... "Where to, O' Highness?".

"Have you not been sticking around in this puddle for a little too long? Don't you find the stench of drying dung an incentive enough to move forward?", said the Lord, licking dry the tiny drop of lemon-tea precariously hanging on a strand of his moustache. It was apparent he was relishing the tea as much as the conversation.

"But it is my fate, O' Highness, and I am mired in this cesspool that appeared from nowhere. I thought I was on the correct road -- even the signboards never said I was going the wrong way."

"There you go again! You know, our conversation is like the London-eye. Its the wheel Ferris invented, and it is faithfully going round and round in circles. Every attempt I make at turning you around gets thwarted by this melancholic rhetor of yours.", said the Almighty, "Listen to me! I never deny that you have been wronged. Okay, maybe you weren't really wronged. Lets keep that for later. But eitherways, you need to get going now! Look, you're standing at the mouth of a bi-forked road. And to add to it, you just said you're stuck in a stinking cesspool. There are two possibilities here on. Either you go left, and continue the way you were, following the colorful and commercial signboards, until ofcourse, you hit upon another lovely roadblock and keep wondering where it came from. Or, you can go right, stop by at the tour-operator's franchise outlet, and enquire if the tour is really as fun as it sounds. The former, as you can well imagine by now, may lead you to Vegas and its scantily clad blondes, but it might as well never lead you out of these hinterlands. The latter gives you the flexibility of opting out of the tour-plan (ofcourse without a full-refund), and trying another vacation trip somewhere else.". There was a shine in his eyes. I knew he had made sense, and I also knew he knew I didn't get most of it.

I shook my head in a sagely fashion pretending as though I understood most of it, and uselessly blabbered -- "You said, that maybe I wasn't really wronged. Are you trying to imply that I screwed up somewhere? What was the shortcoming on my part that necessitated the breakdown?"

There was a broad grin on his face by now. "Hey prick, listen up. There is something fundamentally wrong in your understanding. You see, I am not a stupid mathematician. I didn't not design a world of binaries and whites and blacks. The void created by a missing success need not necessarily be filled by admitting to a failure. Okay, a screw-up is always the most important thing that causes the absense of success. But then you cannot disregard entirely, the precence of an element of uncertainty! Look here, prick... I need to wind up now. You wish to stay in there, surrounded by that sickly stench, fine by me. Try eating a bit of that black greasy thing too. May be it'll help you feel worse. Or if something did get to your head, get out, take a bath, and get moving."

He got up to take leave, placing on my left hand a small rolled up piece of cloth, concealing something. "Its not really useful, but it will make sense". As he turned around, with his usual choir of angels and all, he smirked back... "And do drink up that lemon-tea. Its a nice heady liquor."

I later opened that rolled up piece of cloth he gave me, only to find in it a silver lining on a cloud shrouding the sun.

Courage

Courage is to smile in the face of defeat.
Courage is to laugh when your reason cries.
Courage is to thank your well-wishers after you fail.
Courage is to believe in dad, when he says its just begun.
Courage is to work, more than ever before.
Courage is to agree, when they say may be you aren't that good.
Courage is to carve a new foundation stone out of an old tombstone.
Courage is to starve your ego, and feed your passion.
Courage is to write battle-plans, when battles are all but lost.
Courage is to look back and learn, before looking forward.
Courage is to sit down and think, when thoughts have failed you.
Courage is to fall, and resurrect before the sixtieth second.
Courage is to listen to comfortably numb, and still feel the pain.
Courage is to tell mom that things are fine, when they are not.
Courage is to clap on the sidelines, while the winner walks away with a pound of your flesh.
Courage is to walk the untreaded path, when every predecessor has failed to make it across.
Courage is to strategize, when strategies have convincingly worked against you.
Courage is to begin at the end, and end it at a new beginning.
Courage is to thank the lord for your skill, after your skill has failed you.
Courage is to stay alive, because you have more than yourself to live for.

Know your Nature

Small touch of ingenuity can bring out a real nice expression from a picture. I present here another couple of photos, where the the background supports the subject, rather than merely acting inert. The first one is shown above. The white background, above, is dry cow-dung, along the side of the footpath. Secondly, how does there appear to be such a stark contrast of the leaf against the white background? It is because of the use of flash, despite the day-light. I used it to brighten the composition, and also to do away with shadows associated with the usual day-light.


The second picture shown above, has a distinctive green background, that looks like minute grass. I dont know whether it gets across to you, but to me, it looks like a massive grassland, with a very huge dry peepal leaf lying in it. (Yeah, I need to appreciate my photos). Well, the background is actually fresh moss, the stuff you come across right after rains.

The thumb rule: Your subject stands out better, if your background co-operates! :D

A composite composition

You never chance upon a good picture-composition. You find one right next to you. I believe it is the trickiest part of photography.


What is so interesting about this picture ? (I do hope you've noticed it already :P). There are lots of straight lines that are all converging into a solitary singularity in the centre of the picture. And ofcourse, there is the toppings by tall trees and sodium-lights and painted-sidewalks and what-nots, all coming together to bring out a beautiful picture. I rock, dont I :D

The picture is a standard "night-shot", with each entity effectively lit up by yellow sodium vapor lamps. (Which is why the darn yellow coloring). Certain pointers that may come in handy, when trying pictures such as these:

• you WILL need a tripod or something you can rest your camera upon. This picture here, required 30 second exposure.
  
• Always try and orient your picture composition along the horizontal/vertical (eg, the horizon line, or the sea-coast-line) as closesly as possible. A tilt here leaves a sour under-taste.
• Zoom out. A good wide-angle picture always does justice to a land-scape kind of image.
  
• Try to ensure that your picture is "undisturbed". I had to wait for three cyclists to get out of the street, before I could shoot this picture. Any distraction can kill the effect of the photo.
  

If you notice carefully, a small cute moon can also be found towards the top of the image! The image stats:

• ISO: 100
• Exposure: 30.0 sec
• Aperture: f/6.3
• Focal Length: 18mm
  
• Flash Used: No

I took a few more shots that evening. Notice how a firm horizontal alignment has been adhered to, in both images.

Do post your feedback. Ciao!

Watch out for the watch!

There is more you can do with a watch that use it to keep your time -- you can use it to create photographs, ones that people will appreciate.

I took some guidelines from a learned friend recently, in particular on "product photography".

The following were the guidelines I was issued --

• In product photography, your prime concern is to capture every feature of the product.
• Next, the picture should concentrate on highlighting your product. A disturbing background is always unwelcome.
• And finally, the product must look good, aesthetically.

The watch shown above was an attempt to put the aforementioned into practice. The background is white A4 sheet, to keep in tune with the steel body. The shadows (which can offer a distraction) have been minimized by neutral and uniform lighting (achieved using "reflector" A4 sheets). The f-number has been kept low enough to blur out the clasp, leaving a sharp focus on the dial. The white-balance adjust hasn't been touched.
Picture specifications:

• Exposure -- 3.2 sec (tripod stabilized)
• Depth-of-field -- f/5.6
• ISO -- 100
• focal length -- 55mm on an 18-55mm EF lens.
  

This is my first try to formalize my hobby-pursuit of photography. I'll try putting up more such readables in the near future... do put your feedback :)

Bell thy CAT

NOTE: The methodology suggested below works. I have had to take cat twice (the second time, owing to some freaky stuff I did during interviews after first attempt.). However, the fact that I followed the methodology written below to secure a good set of iim calls again should prove that it all has some element of truth in it. :P

My CAT '07 performance: 99.6%ile with 99.73 in english, 96.5 in DI and 96.3 in Math

My CAT '08 performance: 99.91%ile with 99.56 in english, 99.1 in DI and 98.1 in Math

The following ingredients are NOT required.

• An IQ > 150
• Super fast Number crunching
• An Absolute fetish for bar graphs and charts
• English sweeter than that of an Elizabethan Courtier
• Atleast 12000 words in your vocabulary
• Tables upto 99 by heart

Rule Number One. CAT's way easier than what they make it look like. All your coaching institutes, every one of those, without exception, have the intention of mortifying you. Not their mistake. They make money out of those who dont clear the test, than those who actually do. Sad state of affairs I must say!

If you're seriously serious about cat, think it over. Are you really game for letting go of all that you have learnt during undergraduate days, to get a formal training in selling shampoo? If you're really convinced, then half the game is won. You can continue reading below. Else, if you've suddenly realized the parody behind your decision, you can happily navigate away from this page.

The CAT examination is a test of how you can keep your head straight. There are three sections, Data interpretation, mathematics, and english. Data interpretation tests your comfort levels with graphs, charts, and puzzles. Mathematics simply sees whether you really deserve those 80-85 odd marks you scored in your high-school board exams. And English is all about habit.

So how should you go about it? Lets look at each section in a bit more detail:

English: Read your newspaper regularly for 30 days, (if you haven't been doing it already, its high time you wake up). How much of it? Well, read the bits you find interesting. Start with one article a day, and gradually go upto 5-6 perhaps... Just follow a few simple rules while reading.

• Never, ever, let a word go by, without knowing its meaning.
  
• For a new word, always look up a few synonyms, and if possible, jot it down somewhere.
• Try to recapitulate all that you read, analytically.
  
• Enjoy it.

Mathematics: How to tackle numbers? Well, you already have. You wouldn't be approaching graduation if you hadn't. What's more, the level of proficiency you need for math in CAT is very very elementary. You dont need to memorize a plethora of tables and tricks. The CAT exam that I gave, never posed a single mathematics question that required a memorized formula. Every single question could be tackled with bare minimum common sense.

Data Interpretation: There are broadly two kinds of questions you can be pitted against. Puzzles, and Charts. This section of your paper, I believe, is one that can be improvised upon by practice. Spend a fortnite prior to cat, touching upon puzzles and charts. Try locating charts such as these, and spend time analyzing them. See what you can derive out of these.

Can you tell me, in the above chart, which commodity's import into China registered the sharpest increase, between 2001 and 2006? And how much more was it than the runner-up?

Key indicators	2007	2008	2009	2010	2011	2012
Real GDP growth (%)	11.4	9.8	9.0	9.0	8.6	8.4
Consumer price inflation (%; av)	4.8	4.5	3.9	3.7	3.8	3.8
Budget balance (% of GDP)	0.1	0.2	-0.2	-0.3	-0.3	-0.3
Current-account bal. (% of GDP)	11.6	10.4	10.0	9.8	8.9	7.6
Bank prime rate (%; yr end)	7.6	8.0	7.8	7.6	7.8	7.8
Exchange rate Rmb:US$	7.61	7.05	6.77	6.50	6.25	6.03
Exchange rate Rmb:¥100 (av)	6.46	6.78	7.05	6.95	6.81	6.57

See the table above. You have some Rmb's, which can buy you a Broc-Chocolate in China in 2007. However, you exchanged all your Rmb's for dollars. Three years later, you exchange back those dollars for Rmb's. If your Broc-Chocolate's price increased as per the Consumer Price Inflation, how many more Rmb's will you need to buy the chocolate?

To conclude, do not get intimidated by the test. Its very much possible, and very much do-able. I scored a 43 percent of the maximum marks, and was comfortably in the top 0.4 percent of all appearing candidates. While taking the test, my suggestion is that you spend your time evenly on each section, since you need to put up a good performance in each of them independently too. However, if you feel you're rather dicey in one particular section, I would recommend you start with it, and spend more time on it compared to the other two sections.

All you need a cool-head, and do remember to relieve yourself before you enter the exam hall ;)

Curtail the creative power of thinking by guiding it towards the creation of concepts

Let us analyse the grammatical implications of the title itself. Put aside the implied meaning, and concentrate on the words. "Curtail the creative power of thinking by guiding it towards the creation of concepts." The ever-authoritative dictionary will place 'concept' in the same pool of words that are destined to describe an abstract or symbolic tag meant to capture the essence of 'reality' or a 'perspective'. Lets look at 'creativity'. Our word lord, the dictionary, will once again curtail the word's freedom of expression, chaining it down to a non-descript 'ability to create, think originally and out of the box'.


What do we have here? Why do the words imply only what they have been required to imply? Why does one need to have a collossal vocabulary to write a piece of outstanding literature? Why not an intelligent interplay of words? I will pause here, for I fear I might begin sounding like a bickering old woman. Lets leave the English language to its own miseries and the ever-burgeoning stack of words.

What I am trying to drive at, is that a mere assignment of meaning or tagging of something leads to death of innovation on its front. A spade is a spade and that's that. Not very long ago, a haggard man who claimed that you can move in time and get energy out of mass and other such things; also said something that was an eyeopener of sorts. He said that thethe reason why progress on science (not technology) is slowing down is because the scientist is not reading enough of philosophy and literature. He is getting too much into the habit of sticking to pre-conceived notions, texts and theorems.

Very right indeed. In the crayon-scribbled sky you will find in a six-year old's drawing book, you'll find birds flying around. There is however, a stark difference between that bird and its counterpart in God's sky. God's sky allows birds to fly. Back and forth, in and out. The boy's bird stays in there, in the drawing book. The boy shot the bird out of the sky and into his drawing book, the moment he assigned a set of colors and strokes to it. Not that I am against the kid's attempt to capture god's creation in color. But why use the same colors as did god? Why depict the wings, the beak, the feathers in the same fashion? How about trying to color the wings with terquoise rather than the usual black. How about giving the bird a chance to evolve in the dimension of art too?

The warmth in a morning knock

He rode a 1927 model atlas goldline super bicycle. As Navjot, our old Hall president had said, he had been allowed to come to the hall to collect newspapers only on compassionate grounds. He was around 70 years of age. He was a sikh by religion. The little hair he had on his head, were coiffured suggesting so. The old man had arthristis, with swollen joints. He would cycle from somewhere in gol bazaar, each weekend, to our campus. (Which would be around 5 kilometres one sided).

Each saturday morning, you could hear the same familiar knock on your door, and in the feeblest of tones, he requested you to sell your used newspapers to him. With the limited vision that he had, he could barely see beyond a couple of metres. (You could often see him talking through an open door, to the room's owner. Only that the room's owner wasn't in there). He would, mind you, never, ever, ever ask you to give your newspapers to him for free. He always offered to pay. And, some of my worthy friends, I distinctly remember, would almost always receive that meagre 20 rupees from him, in liu of their old newspapers. I wonder where their conscience would go.

Having collected a minor bulk of newspapers, he would head to a corner of the hall, deposit them there and head to the next block. Born to a benevolent mother and a social worker father, I would, apart from my usual stock of newspapers, also give him a small amount of money. Why? Not because he was poor. Not because he was in need of help. But because, despite his pain, his lack of eyesight, his aging muscles, he would still work. He would earn his living, buying old newspapers from future leaders of the world -- IITians. And those IITians would be on record of having sold off their conscience and philanthropy for a meagre 20 rupees... but lets not discuss them. They're far worse than you can imagine.

So, I would pay my homage to the grit and determination of this old man. One who would earn his living, at an age, when we'd be retired and playing with grandchildren... feasting off the interest of barrow-loads of money.

Its been five weekends since I last saw the old man. I asked some hall staff to find out about what happened to him, and was told that he was taken away by Lord Almighty. He was at work then, selling off newspapers to a buyer somewhere in the market, when the Lord called him off.

Quick Presentation Tips

Disclaimer: BeeTeaPee Presentation is entirely a hypothetical construct. Any resemblance whatsoever with any real-life incident/person/event is purely co-incidental and unintentional. But yeah, these tips can come in handy. :P

CoolTip#1: Before presentation, ask the panel if they would prefer to have you face them, or the wall.

CoolTip#2: You have the right to request the panel to wear protection before they begin.

CoolTip#3: Never, ever let the panel know that you've done it before.

CoolTip#4: Try to get your btp-ppt rescheduled if it clashes with those five days. (A messy deal will leave the panel unsatiated, and your grades compromised)

CoolTip#5: Tell the panel that you abstain from fellatio on that very day of the week.

CoolTip#6: A one-man-panel's a breeze; two's exhausting; three's an orgy; four's a pain; five... you had better paid a visit to your surgeon

Corollary to CoolTip#6: The age old saying "more the merrier" doesn't hold in the context of the BeeTeaPee-Presentation.

CoolTip#7: If the panel is bi-curious, you've had it.

CoolTip#8: Do not doubt the panel's ability to do it again... and again... and again....

CoolTip#9: See if you can convince the panel that you're underage. (Caution: in certain cases, this can backfire)

CoolTip#10: If the panel fails to get it up, you can't be luckier.

CoolTip#11: Take the pills regularly for atleast a week, after the presentation.

CoolTip#12: It will hurt less if you try to enjoy it.

CoolTip#13: Tell the panel that you like to play with 'toys'. It'll be a neat workaround if they agree.

CoolTip#14: When asked "what was your contribution", dont exclaim "I played the victim, m*****f***r". It can be detrimental.

Valentine's Day Notice

Owing to the unruly crowd behaviour and the mad rush observed at my doorstep over the past few Valentine-Days, the following security measures have been decided upon, for the forthcoming edition of the V-Day. They shall be enforced upon every interested applicant without exception. Any candidate found attempting to bend/break away from the security norms mentioned below shall be summarily rejected from the selection procedure.

The norms:

• The selection procedure shall be carried out at the Insitute's Open Air Theatre to avoid conjestion.
• The procedure shall commence at 6.00 PM sharp, on February the 13th, 2007.
• Only the first 800 applicants will be allowed into the theatre, after which the gates shall be sealed. (Entry is strictly of first come first serve basis)
  
• There shall be seventeen parallel counters catering to the applicants, and the applicants are to form single-threaded queues at each counter.
• Candidates can belong to either of the sexes (sex no bar)
• Each applicant is required to be in possession of the following, failing which he/she will be immediately rejected:
  
• proof of age (candidate shouldn't me more than 1.5 times my age)
  
• proof of identity
• an attested proof of NOT having an IQ of more than 138
• proof of devotion (can be a proof of an attempt to suicide, or a proof of resortment to drugs etc.)
• a rose
• a self-composed poem
  
• If female, the candidate must bring certification to the effect of NOT HAVING CLEARED JEE, OR EVEN SECURING A RANK WITHIN 200000
• Candidates will first be required to register at one of the registration desks following which a shortlist will be put up.
• Shortlisted candidateS will be guided to one of the interview panels. (for a max. 30 minutes interview)
  
• Selection will be solely depend upon the interview.
• Clarification for female candidates: brains will NOT be a criteria marked upon (qualification no bar)
• A maximum of 1 (one) male valentine will be accepted.
  
• A minimum of 37 (thirty-seven) female valentine(s) will be accepted.
  
• Candidates must refrain from killing other candidates (though desirable, this norm is not mandatory)
• All candidates must behave in an orderly fashion when His Highness Sir Hansraj arrives.
• Any queries will be answered at the help desk at the theatre

For any clarifications, kindly contact me @
(+91)9932681216