Note: certain explicit content to follow. Don't say I didn't warn you. The content below is mostly original. All answers are genuine, and haven't been sexed up.
Me: which city were you born in, which was ur school and which was ur first crush
Mallu: why
Me: shut-the-fuck-u
Mallu: no, pehle batao kyun. Gimme a good reason.
Me: (after a few derogatory & inconsequential remarks) I'm interviewing you, you moron.
Mallu: Kodungallur
Schools 3 of them. The last of these were SN Vidya Bhavan Chentrapini
Chantrappinni
CHentrappinni
phew!
(Yup, even Mallu ain't comfy with mallu lingo yet)
Me: and which was ur first crush.
Mallu: (apparently taking us for a ride) when I was in [std] 2nd or 3rd... I remember the crush. Her name was Lydia. Called her Lydia Chidia. :P
(No wonder it never worked out).
Me: right... that's so cute. And which was your first post-puberty crush?
(Yea, that's when it'll matter anyways)
Mallu: Many.
(And he's still single and going strong)
Me: enlighten us
Mallu: most will read this blog, so leave it.
Me: (after a few derogatory remarks) Talk!
Mallu: Ok, there was this girl, smart, and intelligent than all others. Rukhsana. Intelligence does turn me on. :P
(Apparently he gets turned on by intelligence. Now I understand what this intelligent guy does locked in his room all day.)
Me: Right... right... so which class was this in? I mean, when did you attain puberty...(and fall for this girl)
Mallu: end of class 6th vacations.
Me: f*** you! You were done pubing yourself before class 7th??
(conversation segment ommitted in order to preserve readability)
Mallu: ...that's all to it. It was a silly crush.
Me: Keep going...
Mallu: I spent most of my school days shit scared.
So not much luck there.
Me: Scared? What was so scary?
Mallu: Talking to a girl.
(He was IIT material at school already)
Me: Hmm.. lets move on...
Mallu: Then there was this girl. Called Divya. My friends used to make up stories of us.
Me: (cheaply) can you quickly relate one such story
Mallu: (obviously irked) not much there... she was a nice friend. I haven't had the sexual feelings about her.
(He sounds like he pardoned the mademoiselle by not harbouring feelings for her)
Me: ok
Mallu: Are you happy. I spilled my gut out.
Me: just a few more queries... how would Mallu define a girl. Make it quick.
Mallu: #define girl
Me: ok. That sucked. How would you define a girl in english.
Mallu: LMAO (laughing-my-ass-out)
Mallu: a general girl, or The One?
Me: #define theOne
Mallu: ok. I should be able to come home and discuss the world with her and hope she understands, and discuss with me.
Me: and what kind of discussions will you bring home?
Mallu: anything. I like her to be a nut loose like me. The more the better.
Me: where does Mallu see himself 10 years hence.
Mallu: ten years from now... 31. :)
Me: too succinct. Elaborate.
Mallu: start my day, waking up next to my wife. Send kids to school.
Then work at home checking out how business is running. Call a few team meetings online. Write a blog entry about a product launch...
Me: keep going...
Mallu: have a power lunch with a big-shot, convince that guy to do something.
Come back home in a chauffer-driven-car (no more walking)
Me: which car
Mallu: Don't care. Buy a gift for my kids, or something nice for the wife. Come back home by 4pm. Take them out to park. And enjoy the rest of the night with them.. while the stocks are maturing away in the background.
Me: Nice. What does Mallu do, if locked in overnight with a horny bitch, and a net-connected laptop in a dungeon?
(I intended to know which of the two he would screw)
Mallu: We make a porn stream :)
(He screws both)
Me: right
phew!
(Yup, even Mallu ain't comfy with mallu lingo yet)
Me: and which was ur first crush.
Mallu: (apparently taking us for a ride) when I was in [std] 2nd or 3rd... I remember the crush. Her name was Lydia. Called her Lydia Chidia. :P
(No wonder it never worked out).
Me: right... that's so cute. And which was your first post-puberty crush?
(Yea, that's when it'll matter anyways)
Mallu: Many.
(And he's still single and going strong)
Me: enlighten us
Mallu: most will read this blog, so leave it.
Me: (after a few derogatory remarks) Talk!
Mallu: Ok, there was this girl, smart, and intelligent than all others. Rukhsana. Intelligence does turn me on. :P
(Apparently he gets turned on by intelligence. Now I understand what this intelligent guy does locked in his room all day.)
Me: Right... right... so which class was this in? I mean, when did you attain puberty...(and fall for this girl)
Mallu: end of class 6th vacations.
Me: f*** you! You were done pubing yourself before class 7th??
(conversation segment ommitted in order to preserve readability)
Mallu: ...that's all to it. It was a silly crush.
Me: Keep going...
Mallu: I spent most of my school days shit scared.
So not much luck there.
Me: Scared? What was so scary?
Mallu: Talking to a girl.
(He was IIT material at school already)
Me: Hmm.. lets move on...
Mallu: Then there was this girl. Called Divya. My friends used to make up stories of us.
Me: (cheaply) can you quickly relate one such story
Mallu: (obviously irked) not much there... she was a nice friend. I haven't had the sexual feelings about her.
(He sounds like he pardoned the mademoiselle by not harbouring feelings for her)
Me: ok
Mallu: Are you happy. I spilled my gut out.
Me: just a few more queries... how would Mallu define a girl. Make it quick.
Mallu: #define girl
Me: ok. That sucked. How would you define a girl in english.
Mallu: LMAO (laughing-my-ass-out)
Mallu: a general girl, or The One?
Me: #define theOne
Mallu: ok. I should be able to come home and discuss the world with her and hope she understands, and discuss with me.
Me: and what kind of discussions will you bring home?
Mallu: anything. I like her to be a nut loose like me. The more the better.
Me: where does Mallu see himself 10 years hence.
Mallu: ten years from now... 31. :)
Me: too succinct. Elaborate.
Mallu: start my day, waking up next to my wife. Send kids to school.
Then work at home checking out how business is running. Call a few team meetings online. Write a blog entry about a product launch...
Me: keep going...
Mallu: have a power lunch with a big-shot, convince that guy to do something.
Come back home in a chauffer-driven-car (no more walking)
Me: which car
Mallu: Don't care. Buy a gift for my kids, or something nice for the wife. Come back home by 4pm. Take them out to park. And enjoy the rest of the night with them.. while the stocks are maturing away in the background.
Me: Nice. What does Mallu do, if locked in overnight with a horny bitch, and a net-connected laptop in a dungeon?
(I intended to know which of the two he would screw)
Mallu: We make a porn stream :)
(He screws both)
Me: right
I have had some interaction with ur younger bro. if I told you that 15 years from now, he'll be buying your firm out, how would you react to such a possibility.
Mallu: thats good, cuz i will take the money and buy a boat and retire
Me: at age 59, is Mallu still the usual geek?
Mallu: my life's geeky. Its me.
Me: right. On a closing note, What would you like to tell Bill Gates and the Google Boys, if you were in a meeting with them?
Mallu: why are these numbers so low for this month?? I dont want it the same way next month! :P
Me: Haha. Anything else you'd like to add, Mallu?
Mallu: yeah, Hansraj is a dumb motherfucker.
Me: Right. Spankyou, Mallu, for your time. All the luck for your endeavours.
Mallu: Anytime.
Mallu: thats good, cuz i will take the money and buy a boat and retire
Me: at age 59, is Mallu still the usual geek?
Mallu: my life's geeky. Its me.
Me: right. On a closing note, What would you like to tell Bill Gates and the Google Boys, if you were in a meeting with them?
Mallu: why are these numbers so low for this month?? I dont want it the same way next month! :P
Me: Haha. Anything else you'd like to add, Mallu?
Mallu: yeah, Hansraj is a dumb motherfucker.
Me: Right. Spankyou, Mallu, for your time. All the luck for your endeavours.
Mallu: Anytime.
5 comments:
this is a coverup.. from my observation "from a distance" i can confidently say that mallu is atleast 60% gay.. His first crush would definitely have been a guy. ( cross check school records for a guy named Lydian etc. )
D
hansu needs a job...he is so vella that he made me read this and then forced me to comment on it!
waise cant complain, had a great laugh :D
This is uber! lol ... I can imagine Mallu jumping up and down all through the interview!!! He is currently trying to sing carnatic music after doing dope! You should have taken a video ... ha ha ha
I agree with dawn. Did he propose to you anytime midway through the interview?
"(Apparently he gets turned on by intelligence. Now I understand what this intelligent guy does locked in his room all day.)"
He keeps looking at the mirror and you know what ... :P
"Mallu: anything. I like her to be a nut loose like me. The more the better."
Offense Offense Offense
oh FYI, BTW, the crush was on Rukhsana's canines, not her. Moreso, ask him where does he see himself 10 years from now: I am sure the answer would be, arguing over who is doing the dishes tonight. LOL.
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